Alright, this isn't funny so I really shouldn't jest about this in my blog headline.

That said, the Insurance Journal reported today that injuries from lawn mowing are on the rise. According a study from the Johns Hopkins Bloomber School of Public Health, nearly 80,000 Americans require hospital treatment from lawn mower injuries every year, with the majority of injuries occurring in children under the age of 15 and adults over 60 years of age.

The senior author of the study, Dr. David Bishai, said that there's no reason anyone under the age of 12 should ever be injured by a lawn mower

"If we would keep the kids off the lawn when mowing and off the riding mowers we could greatly reduce the number of injuries each year."

According to the IJ story, the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that no one under the age of 16 should use a riding lawn mower and no one under the age of 12 should use a push mower. And based on the study results, Dr. Bishai recommends several safety precautions for mow time, including wearing goggles, long pants and closed-toe shoes, not mowing if you have a history of chest, back or joint pain, and not mowing the yard in high heat.

Seriously, where were these types of reports when I was a kid? Because I was forever at home during the peak of hot, humid Iowa summers, pushing the lawn mower through our big back yard with my twiggy arms, looking a sweaty fright and wishing for the sweet release of an air-conditioned basement.

You know you did the same thing; Dad tells you to please cut the grass tomorrow and you come back at him with a couple of numbers, usually the temperature, the percentage of humidity in the air or how many times you've almost died pushing the mower up the hill behind the garage. Then you start mowing crooked to prove you're no good at it, but it turns out Dad doesn't really care if all the lines are straight. 12 years later, you realize this is a lie and that Dad effectively tricked you into mowing straight again.

Alright. Now Johns Hopkins needs to do a study on the effects on children who shovel snow in harsh wintry conditions. There's no hope now for my brother and I but I think we can still save future generations from near heatstroke and frostbite.

Have a good weekend everyone, and be careful mowing this weekend. :)