With the 2007 conference season underway, I thought it’d be helpful to review this essential skill.

As we so often do on here at the Agent Blog, let’s go to our favorite business guru, Guy Kawasaki, for some tips. About a year ago, Guy wrote a list of nine ways to improve your schmooze. Instead of just re-listing them all here, I’ve picked the one tip that really stuck out; the one that I believe is key to building any kind of relationship—be it professional, romantic or platonic in nature. Moreover, this tip applies to both introverts and extroverts. (In fact, it’s perhaps even more important for extroverts, who, contrary to conventional wisdom, are not always the best schmoozers.)

Here it is:

Ask good questions, then shut up. The mark of a good conversationalist is not that you can talk a lot. The mark is that you can get others to talk a lot. Thus, good schmoozers are good listeners, not good talkers. Ask softball questions like, “What do you do?” “Where are you from?” “What brings you to this event?” Then listen. Ironically, you'll be remembered as an interesting person.*

Of course, that’s not necessarily easy. Asking questions is an art form in itself. And the softball questions that Kawasaki suggests above may just lead to curt answers followed by awkward silence. So it’s essential to have a quiver of questions at your disposal.

But not all questions are created equal. Favor open ones (they usually begin with what, how, or why) to closed ones (those that ask for a yes or no.)

Another item on Guy’s list relates to asking good questions: “read voraciously.” This is not so you can strut your brilliance. It’s so you can ask intelligent questions and relate to people. Keep in mind, though, reading the Insurance Journal may give you fodder for conversation with your peers, but won’t add much value to small talk with a potential client.

The other tip is to remember that everyone—even the wallflower in the grey flannel suit—has an interesting story to tell. Successful schmoozers realize this and make the the effort to mine for such stories.